madqueenjes:


One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s Secret Service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

Reason number 764 why I love Michelle Obama.

Variations on this anecdote have been going around since 1994. It’s fake, but still entertaining. [snopes]

madqueenjes:

One night President Obama and his wife Michelle decided to do something out of routine and go for a casual dinner at a restaurant that wasn’t too luxurious. When they were seated, the owner of the restaurant asked the President’s Secret Service if he could please speak to the First Lady in private. They obliged and Michelle had a conversation with the owner. Following this conversation President Obama asked Michelle, “Why was he so interested in talking to you?” She mentioned that in her teenage years, he had been madly in love with her. President Obama then said, “So if you had married him, you would now be the owner of this lovely restaurant,” to which Michelle responded, “No. If I had married him, he would now be the President.”

Reason number 764 why I love Michelle Obama.

Variations on this anecdote have been going around since 1994. It’s fake, but still entertaining. [snopes]

(Source: lvmrsmn)

fingerstriper:

i’ve never seen any nsfw jaime reyes stuff but i can only hope that people are including the scarab in all of his sexual encounters. i mean.

he’s on the receiving end of hickeys??? “JAIME REYES, TEETH ARE BEING BARED DANGEROUSLY CLOSE TO THE SUPERIOR VENA CAVA. PROCEED WITH CAUTION; PROTECT THE JUGULAR AND PULSE POINTS. RECOMMENDED COURSE OF ACTION: IMMEDIATE TERMINATION.”

his partner takes off their clothes??? “JAIME REYES, THE ADVERSARY HAS SHED OUTER PROTECTION AND IS NOW RENDERED AT LEAST 16% MORE VULNERABLE. UPDATING WEAK POINTS.” 

jaime tries to dirty talk??? “JAIME REYES, THE CURRENT METHOD OF SEXUAL STIMULATION IS DEEMED UNWISE. STATISTICALLY SPEAKING, THE MAJORITY OF HUMANS ARE UNLIKELY TO REACH CLIMAX BY BEING SPOKEN AT, REGARDLESS OF VOCAL HUSKINESS.”

jaime’s scarab for world’s worst wingman 2k14

peristeronicpics:

Pigeon on a satellite antenna. by Darius Baužys on Flickr.

jumpingjacktrash:

therobotmonster:

moniquill:

siderealsandman:

friendlytroll:

astrakiseki:

prokopetz:

mikhailvladimirovich:

bogleech:

It’s funny how science fiction universes so often treat humans as a boring, default everyman species or even the weakest and dumbest.

I want to see a sci fi universe where we’re actually considered one of the more hideous and terrifying species.

How do we know our saliva and skin oils wouldn’t be ultra-corrosive to most other sapient races? What if we actually have the strongest vocal chords and can paralyze or kill the inhabitants of other worlds just by screaming at them? What if most sentient life in the universe turns out to be vegetable-like and lives in fear of us rare “animal” races who can move so quickly and chew shit up with our teeth?

Like that old story “they’re made of meat,” only we’re scarier.

HOLY SHIT THEY EAT CAPSAICIN FOR FUN

YOU GUYS I HEARD A HUMAN ONCE ATE AN AIRPLANE.

A HUMAN CAN KEEP FIGHTING FOR HOURS EVEN AFTER YOU SHOOT IT

humans are a proud warrior race with a pantheon of bloody gods: Ram-Bo, Schwarzenegger, etc.

REMOVING A LIMB WILL NOT FATALLY INCAPACITATE HUMANS: ALWAYS DESTROY THE HEAD.

WARNING: HUMANS CAN DETECT YOU EVEN AT NIGHT BY TRACKING VIBRATIONS THROUGH THE ATMOSPHERE

WARNING: HUMANS CAN REPRODUCE AT A RATE OF 1 PER SPACEYEAR. DESTROY INFESTATIONS IMMEDIATELY

THE HUMAN MOUTH HAS OVER THIRTY OUTCROPS OF BONE AND POWERFUL JAW MUSCLES.

HUMAN BITES CAN BE FATALLY INFECTIOUS EVEN TO OTHER HUMANS

WARNING: HUMANS CAN AND WILL USE IMPROVISED WEAPONS. SEE CLASSIFIED DATA LABELED J. CHAN.

HUMANS CAN PROJECT BIOWEAPONS FROM ALMOST EVERY ORIFICE ON THEIR BODY. DO NOT INHALE

OH GOD THE HUMANS FIGURED OUT DOOR HANDLES OH GOD OH GOD

More seriously, humans do have a number of advantages even among Terrestrial life. Our endurance, shock resistance, and ability to recover from injury is absurdly high compared to almost any other animal. We often use the phrase “healthy as a horse” to connote heartiness - but compared to a human, a horse is as fragile as spun glass. There’s mounting evidence that our primitive ancestors would hunt large prey simply by following it at a walking pace, without sleep or rest, until it died of exhaustion; it’s called pursuit predation. Basically, we’re the Terminator.

(The only other animal that can sort of keep up with us? Dogs. That’s why we use them for hunting. And even then, it’s only “sort of”.)

Now extrapolate that to a galaxy in which most sapient life did not evolve from hyper-specialised pursuit predators:

  • Our strength and speed is nothing to write home about, but we don’t need to overpower or outrun you. We just need to outlast you - and by any other species’ standards, we just plain don’t get tired.
  • Where a simple broken leg will cause most species to go into shock and die, we can recover from virtually any injury that’s not immediately fatal. Even traumatic dismemberment isn’t necessarily a career-ending injury for a human.
  • We heal from injuries with extreme rapidity, recovering in weeks from wounds that would take others months or years to heal. The results aren’t pretty - humans have hyperactive scar tissue, among our other survival-oriented traits - but they’re highly functional.
  • Speaking of scarring, look at our medical science. We developed surgery centuries before developing even the most rudimentary anesthetics or life support. In extermis, humans have been known to perform surgery on themselves - and survive. Thanks to our extreme heartiness, we regard as routine medical procedures what most other species would regard as inventive forms of murder. We even perform radical surgery on ourselves for purely cosmetic reasons.

In essence, we’d be Space Orcs.

I do hope you realize I’m going to be picking up this stuff and running with it right? 

Our jaws have too many TEETH in them, so we developed a way to WELD METAL TO OUR TEETH and FORCE THE BONES IN OUR JAW to restructure over the course of years to fit them back into shape, and then we continue to wear metal in out mouths to keep them in place. 

We formed cohabitative relationships with tiny mammals and insects we keep at bay from bothering us by death, often using little analouge traps. 

And by god, we will eat anything. 

  • We use borderline toxic peppers to season our food. 
  • We expose ourselves to potentially lethal solar radiation in the pursuit of darkening our skin. 
  • We risk hearing loss for the opportunity to see our favorite musicians live. 
  • We have a game where two people get into an enclosed area and hit each other until time runs out/one of them pass out
  • We willingly jump out of planes with only a flimsy piece of cloth to prevent us from splattering against the ground. 
  • Our response to natural disasters is to just rebuild our buildings in the exact same places. 
  • We climb mountains and risk freezing to death for bragging rights
  • We invented dogs. We took our one time predators and completely domesticated them. 
  • On a planet full of lions, tigers and bears, we managed to advance further and faster than any other species on the planet. 

Klingons and Krogan and Orcs ain’t got shit on us

We drink ethanol (in concentrations high enough to be used as an effective as microbicide or a solvent!) for the express purpose of achieving blood toxicity and disrupting normal brain function… AS A RECREATIONAL ACTIVITY!

On the same subject, we also deliberately incinerate assorted substances and then inhale the particulate-heavy smoke and vapor resulting for the same effect. EVEN IN THE FACE OF SAID SUBSTANCES BEING CARCINOGENIC, BECAUSE WE JUST DON’T GIVE A              .

Humans do not have biological castes. Kill their commander and another will take its place. Soldiers left alone on a planet will start farming and manufacturing to survive. Farmers and manufacturers will take up arms and kill you if pressed. Just because two humans look different doesn’t mean they cannot do each other’s jobs.

Breeding does not kill them. A single human can mate dozens or hundreds of times in a lifetime. They often do so as recreation. Xenobiology team six believes they do not have a mating season but this is too strange to be true.

Their appendages are not designed for hitting, so they developed special training to make them very good at hitting anyhow. 

The proteins making up their bodies are toxic and cause prion disease. Do not touch anything humans have touched. Do not consume earth foods. Fire does not adequately remove this contamination.

Humans perceive sixteen times the colors we do. Do not hide in bushes or vines from humans. They can distinguish your pelt from the foliage with ease.

We tried venting waste gas into the tunnels to kill the humans when they attacked. Turns out they breathe it. 

Everything on their planet came from a single biological strain. They developed comprehensive genetics BEFORE they developed space travel. 

They lack radio receptors and cannot be brought into compliance with right-thought simply by broadcasting to them. Even after we learned how to translate it into sound-waves one of their hatchlings drove the Great Authority mad by responding to every demand with a single question: “Why?” 

Meme-weapons have no effect on them. Their psyches not harmed by being forced to experience cognitive dissonance. They employ a defensive tactic called ‘laughter’ which appears to completely nullify the thought-damage.

Moreover, they deliberately transmit the meme-weapons to other humans in order to induce this ‘laughter’ response. We thought at first their purpose was to innoculate each other against further infection, but after observing how they self-administer memes with no other incentive, we must conclude… that… they enjoy it… *shudder*

saathi1013:

leupagus:

jarvtimmen:

The hobbit film is loosely based on it’s source material, it shares the name and the characters but the story is far off and comes off as tolkien fanfiction rather than something made by the man himself.

Yep! That’s what I enjoy about the films so much - transformative works like fanfiction and movie adaptations can give the source material so much more depth than it had before.

For “The Hobbit,” they’re very obviously taking both the original 1937 children’s book, the changes Tolkien himself made for the re-published version, and all the legally available information from the LoTR trilogy in order to tell a bigger, more nuanced, and ultimately more meaningful story about just what was really going on while Bilbo was having his adventure. Because according to Tolkein, while the Quest of Erebor took place the Necromancer was also being driven out of Dol Goldur, Saruman was beginning his descent, and all sorts of chess pieces were moving around that would lead to the war sixty years later. In a sense, it’s doing what fanfiction does so well - turning the camera (so to speak) and shining light on things that you couldn’t see in the original work.

And the movies also emulate the best of what fanfiction does by interrogating the source material to a certain degree - though how much is intentional and how much is purely “we want a cooler-looking story” is certainly up for debate. For instance, Tolkien very clearly modeled the dwarves of Erebor and dwarvish culture on Jewish people and culture as seen by a Christian in the 1930’s. Which would’ve been great except the perception of what Jews were like back at that time was decidedly not-great; if you’ve read the Hobbit, no doubt you remember the quote:

There it is: dwarves are not heroes, but a calculating folk with a great idea of the value of money; some are tricky and treacherous and pretty bad lots; some are not but are decent enough people like Thorin and Company, if you don’t expect too much.

Which was a sentiment held by most non-Jews in the early part of the 20th century, and one we as a people have labored under for literally millennia. By allowing the dwarves of Erebor to be heroic figures, with their own complicated backstories and interests, the film shows them as people to be admired rather than detested.

Similarly with the addition of Tauriel, who if she had been in a fanfic would be referred as an OC or OFC (Original [Female] Character), the film shines a light on one of Tolkien’s greatest weaknesses as a writer; his disinterest in writing about female characters. I phrase it like this because from what he wrote, it is clear that there are women around; he just doesn’t talk much about them, with the exception of Eowyn. This is all the more frustrating because of the glimpses we get of truly amazing women: Belladonna Took, the remarkable daughter of the Old Took who went on adventures, probably with Gandalf; Gilraen, who marries too young against her father’s wishes (but with her mother’s aid), only to lose her husband two years later and who takes personal responsibility for the entire line of Isildur by taking her young son into the protection of Rivendell, and whose last words to Aragorn are “I gave hope to our people and kept no hope for myself,” which is sad but you’ve gotta love an old lady who can make a pun into a heartbreaker; Luthien, who fell in love with a mortal man and chose her heart over her grace; Arwen, who followed in those footsteps but who chose mortality not just for love of a man but for love of Middle-Earth, because she had faith that it would endure; Galadriel, who defied the very gods of her people and conquered the temptation of the One Ring; Shelob, a monster and mother both, whose hunger is insatiable but who chooses to linger in her caves rather than roar into the world; Dís, the last of the line of Thror, who is widowed and orphaned and left childless and brotherless by the actions of those husbands and fathers and sons and brothers; Eowyn, who is remarkable all the more because she is not seen as so, but rather seen as one of the many proud shieldmaidens of Rohan, whose contributions go unremarked but not unremarkable. Women who are not even named - Theoden’s wife, Denethor’s wife, Thranduil’s wife, Gloin’s wife, Bard’s wife, Thrain’s wife - but who are stamped on the husbands and sons they loved in the most fascinating of ways.

All these women are there, in Middle Earth; all of them are worth trilogies of their own. And the films, and fanfiction, can show them in ways Tolkien never did. And so in “The Hobbit: An Unexpected Journey,” we can see Galadriel helping to defeat the power in Dol Guldur, or an elf-maid fight and kill to protect her king and people, or even [possible spoilers for Extended Edition, if the rumors are true] Belladonna Took greeting Gandalf as an old friend and companion and equal. We can take a look at the things that the man himself did not bother to show, but that we want to see.

The films and filmmakers do not interrogate as well as they should; the racism of Tolkien’s all-white Middle Earth goes largely unchallenged, with POC actors playing orcs and goblins or hidden behind CGI or pounds of makeup to play scale doubles or stuntmen. The conflagration of physical attributes with morality is, if anything, played up in the films, with the Goblin King a grotesque figure and the evil Azog shown as even more monstrous with his prosthetic arm. The relationship between Legolas and Gimli, which is so profound that it moves Legolas to demand (of his gods) that Gimli be permitted entry into the afterworld of the elves - moreover, moves Gimli to spend eternity amongst elves rather than his own kind - is portrayed as nothing more than amiable comradeship.

But these are shortcomings that all transformative work can fall prey to, and should absolutely be challenged but should never be dismissed. The films and fanfiction allow people to talk about stories and spin stories themselves, taking part in a world that Tolkien gave us - a world he wanted other people to visit. If we change things along the way, if we show things that Tolkien didn’t illuminate, well - the original stories are still there, unchanged by anyone (except of course the man himself, who re-edited The Hobbit extensively). And we can read the books, and see the films, and decide for ourselves what we want to believe.

There it is: the films are fanfiction, to their credit.

YES THIS. Tolkien was what I call an ‘exploratory writer' - he was constantly expanding on his own universe, filling out fragments that he’d only mentioned in passing in previous works, essentially doing what anyone else would have called fanfiction, except that it was about his own work.  I am convinced that he would have approved of the spirit of these movies, even if we can’t say with any authority whether he would have created the particular details that Jackson, Walsh, &co are creating.

Julie Dillon

"My name is Julie Dillon and I’m the creator of Imagined Realms: Book 1, which is the first in a series of annual art books that I am illustrating and self-publishing. Each book contains 10 all-new illustrations made exclusively for each book!

I got into art because I love to create, to see the world in new ways, and to stir the imagination of others. I have long wanted to start putting together my own books and work on more personal projects. “Imagined Realms” gives me the opportunity to spend more time creating my own illustrations and projects, and also gives me the chance to create more illustrations that feature positive and diverse representations of women.

Each book will have it’s own theme. The art in Book 1 is all fantasy themed, and Book 2 (which is currently in development) will be science fiction themed.

I am launching this Kickstarter to pay for the cost of getting the books printed. It will also give me the ability to create the content for Book 2. Currently, the print book will be available exclusively through kickstarter.”

- Julie Dillon

Imagined Realms: Book 1 - New Fantasy Art by Julie Dillon

(Source: le0night)

Anonymous said: Hey, I don't want to sound like a nag, and I'm sure that you already get asked this a lot, but will you be updating the swimming anime dating sim? It's just that the last time you did was in last August, so is it on hiatus or have you dropped it or....

You’re not a nag at all! I’ve been terrible about keeping people informed on that project, and the fact that I haven’t checked DeviantArt lately probably doesn’t help. :(

Short answer is that yes, I am still working on it. I have lots of ideas and I’m eager to put those stories together. I’m going to tentatively say that there should be an update “soon,” although the last time I said that it turned out to be a total lie. So. I’m going to say that I WILL update it within the next week. If I don’t update before August 4, 2014, 9:06PM EST, then you must pester me and nag me and tell me that because I didn’t update the aliens have lost faith in humanity and decided to destroy the Earth and now humanity is DOOMED and it’s my fault and oh nooooooooo.

Mores specifics on what’s been going on in the Read More.

Read More

One of Marvel’s Avengers Turns to Sign Language. The story strives to connect readers with what he is experiencing: when he can’t hear, the word balloons on the page are blank. The comic also makes extensive use of sign language, but provides no key to interpreting them. “If nothing else, it’s an opportunity for hearing people to get a taste of what it might be like to be deaf,” Mr. Fraction said.

(Source: marvelcomicsdaily)

yellowfur:

zaptagon:

deelekgolo:

image

image

yoUTre M y 2000THT fUCkinG FOLLWOEr

JESUS FDIHING CHRIST 

ohmygod

engrprof:

runecestershire:

gehayi:

runecestershire:

I could never get it figured if the Macbeths are supposed to have a kid or not. It really seems like they don’t, but Lady Macbeth specifically mentions having nursed a baby (they’d be the worse parents ever, no matter).

See, the thing about Lady Macbeth is that most people reading or seeing the play don’t know her backstory. Shakespeare did, and judging by her lines, he expected his audience to know, too.

Lady Macbeth was a real person. Her name was Gruoch ingen Boite meic Cináeda. That means “Gruoch, the daughter of Boite, who was the son of Kenneth.” That’s Kenneth III, King of Scotland. 

Now, if she had been the grandSON of the King of Scotland, Gruoch would have been in the running to become Kenneth’s heir. Scottish kings  in the 11th century (that’s the 1000s) did not generally hand the throne down from father to son; more often, it passed from uncle to nephew (usually the sister’s son), or, occasionally, grandfather to grandson. But in the Christian West at the time, women ruling in their own right was unthinkable. The only way that Gruoch could rule would be if her husband took the throne. I think that her “unsex me now”—make me a woman no longer—makes more sense under those circumstances.

Second, Duncan—the king that she and Macbeth kill—was the grandson of the man who slew her grandfather in battle: Malcolm II, called “The Destroyer.”  Malcolm and Kenneth were first cousins, incidentally; they had a common grandfather. Battles happened; I imagine Gruoch took Kenneth’s death more or less in stride.

But Malcolm II was not merciful to other men in her family. Gruoch’s brother Giric was murdered 27 years after that battle for…well, for being a healthy man in the prime of life who might challenge Malcolm and seize the throne. And then…not long after Giric’s murder, her first husband—Gille Coemgáin, the Mormaer of Moray, a small kingdom around Inverness—was burned to death in his hall, along with fifty of his strongest and most skillful warriors.

And that left her alone with a four-year-old boy. Lulach. Her only child.

A few weeks later, Macbeth, the grandson of Malcolm II, showed up at Glamis Castle with an army. The army was to besiege Glamis if she didn’t surrender; he was to marry her if she did.

Remember when Lady Macbeth talks about being willing to kill a baby that she was nursing? Yeah. Well, here’s the thing—Gruoch had no expectation that Macbeth, directed by Malcolm to marry her, would let her son live. Lulach was the heir to the King of Moray; Macbeth was trying to replace him. There would be every reason for her to feel that Malcom would see Lulach as a threat. She also had to face the possibility that Lulach would not be killed outright but would be maimed, either as a stand-in for his father or prevent him from inheriting his father’s position. She was basically being asked to choose: an extended battle that she knew she couldn’t win, since most of her husband’s men were dead…or probable safety for herself and probable death for her toddler son.

For whatever reason, Macbeth spared Lulach’s life and allowed him to remain free rather than imprisoning him. Malcolm never reacted to this; logically, he didn’t feel that Macbeth had to kill the child to prove his loyalty. And there are persistent stories about Macbeth being the one who burned Gille Coemgáin and his men alive.

Lulach lived to grow up, by the way. He was nicknamed “Fatuus” or “the Foolish” by Latin chroniclers; perhaps more tellingly, in “The Prophecy of St. Berchan,” he’s referred to as “Tairbridh,” which one historian translates as “misfortune.” It may be a mistranslation for “táirbrigh”; the “dh” and “gh” sounds in Gaelic are very similar. The translation of “táirbrigh” would be closer to “the essence (or maybe the quintessence) of disgrace.”

Contrary to the play, Lulach ruled Scotland after Macbeth died. However, his reign only lasted seven months. According to Dictionary of National Biography, Volume 34 by Sir Leslie Stephen and Sir Sidney Lee, Lulach was “slain by craft” by a grandson of Duncan “at Essy in Strathbolgy, on the border of the present Aberdeenshire, on 17 March 1058.” The Annals of Ulster, edited by B. McCarthy, say that Lulach was killed in battle (which doesn’t preclude the use of craft or sneakiness) by Mael-Coluim [Malcolm], son of Donnchadh [Donalbain, in the play—or rather Donal Bán, Donal the Fair-Haired].

Lulach had a son, variously called by chroniclers Máel Snechtai. Máel Snechta, Maelsnechta or Maelsnectan, who followed him as Mormaer of Moray, though Máel Snechtai called himself King of Moray.

Lulach also had a daughter whose name has not come down to us, but her son Óengus (Angus, in modern Gaelic) inherited Máel Snechtai’s position. Óengus was killed in a punitive invasion that occurred after the people of Moray killed Ladhmunn, the nephew of Alexander I, the King of Alba (Scotland). After Óengus’s death in 1130, Moray was given to William fitz Duncan, another nephew of Alexander I. The title also changed from “King of Moray” to “earl of Moray.” I thought you might want to know how it turned out.

[reblogging this to read later after I watch the play. I know Lady M actually existed, but nothing beyond that. Thanks!]

Wow. That’s really interesting and makes the play richer. Thank you.

Is there any indication she knew Macbeth well before the “Fight or Marry” incident?